Millions fall on battle grounds
More dead corpses than alive
Rotting feet due to trenches
Flying bullets covering the sky
Fighting for their country,
Fighting for their family
Fighting for their freedom
Fighting for their life
Smoke overwhelming the air around them
Barbed wires waiting in front for them to go over
Sniper rifles aimed at their heads
Giant tanks roll forward with their machine guns pointing at enemies
Deadly mustard gas covering the dirt
Soldiers tired as hell
Europe involved in a storm of war
But in the end, the criminal has to pay
http://www.sheppardsoftware.com/images/Europe/factfile/WWI.jpg
http://www.chemical-corps.org/history/images/GasAttack-%20WWI%20(538x406).jpg
http://library.thinkquest.org/04oct/00492/WWI.jpg
http://standeyo.com/News_Files/Firearms/YOYO3.battlefield.jpg
http://z.about.com/d/history1900s/1/0/M/3/wwi15.gif
3 comments:
Hungyu,
I enjoyed reading your poem. I like the amount of detail you put into it, and the sensory detail. Perhaps you could repeat some of the "fighting for ......" because those sentences are really touching, so maybe you could use them some more.
Good Job
I think that you did very well using vivid verbs and describing the battle field and the soldiers feelings. I also like that you used some metaphors.
I think you could use some more poetic devices. Also, you have no line breaks, which makes it hard to understand. Next time you might try to think about where you divide the stanzas and line breaks. there are also some grammatical errors.
I liked your poem very much!
each stanza was very descriptive. They contains enough amount of detail. Some time you repeat the words and they were very effective.
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